Buffet de l'Anquitaire, Québec City, Québec, Tuesday Evening

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Arden had stupidly had the jitters all day Tuesday, thinking of the plan with Cal to have one last paintball dinner while here in Québec. Did it mean something? Something more than friends? Surely he wasn't trying to drop a hint or anything...right?

Which meant that she couldn't help but inwardly (and ruefully) laugh at herself when they ended up deciding to end up at the Buffet de l'Anquitaire. The food looked amazing, don't get her wrong, but the chill diner atmosphere didn't really give off 'confessions of a secret crush' vibes. She was definitely glad she'd stuck with a cute but nothing fancy outfit. This was firmly 'two friends having dinner post-paintball' territory.

Once again proving that the only one harboring a secret crush was Arden. She really needed to stomp that out. She'd been making good progress, but Parents' Weekend had derailed that. But hey, if she could kill a crush during a trip where there was only one bed, then there was probably no bringing it back, right? Of course right. She was just gonna...get on doing that, then.

"Let me guess," she teased, snagging a seat in one of the bright red booths, "you wanna get the hot dog and sausage poutine. And, hey! We'll have to try some of these pies so I can report back to Graham."

Comments

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Arden was sputtering now, eyes wide. "Wait. What? Wait. What? I thought--you didn't--you like people?! I didn't think you like people--like that. Wait."

She was trying to settle her brain down, but even so she couldn't stop smiling.

"Are you serious? You...like me? Because, like. I've had a crush on you almost from the beginning. And I've been trying to fight it down, because I didn't think that you liked people like that. And I didn't want to ruin our friendship and make you uncomfortable or go against your Code."

A beat.

"Oh no, your Code. Did I...how are you...what do you mean? Like...how do you..."

[moreofaponchoguy]

"I wish I had a solid answer for that. I had a talk with Cere and I still need to think about it but... the Order is gone. The Code is guidelines for an Order that doesn't exist anymore, and I don't think following the same rules will help us get an Order back that can withstand the Empire. I don't know how I'm supposed to care about what happens to others without caring about them as people." Cere's words had been ringing in his head for weeks now--what was the point of saving the galaxy if it wasn't filled with people they cared about.

"Like I said, I have no idea what I'm doing. But I know I care about you, a lot, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather figure this stuff out with than you." His own rambling aside, something finally clicked for Cal. "Wait, you've had a crush on me? The whole time?"

It was a good thing he was cute.

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Arden just looked at him for a few heartbeats. And then buried her face in her hands. "Yes," she groaned. "Like. The whole time. It's been very, very obvious, I'm pretty sure. Why do you think I blamed myself when we got the hallucination? Because it was my fault! Why else would we think we were getting married--" Her face flushed again "--except my crush on you?"

[moreofaponchoguy]

"Because the island is mean and keeps making you be attached to me even though we're only friends and you'd never want more than that because I have no experience dating and you could be with someone who knows what they're doing instead?"

It made sense at the time!

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Now she was just giving him that look that she gave him sometimes, like when he tried explaining that washcloths weren't important.

"How much experience dating do you think I have?" she asked. "Goddess, Cal! I don't care about any of that! I've been half in love with you from the get-go and stressing out because there was no way to do that without hurting you and forcing you to do something that you don't want, because you don't like people like that, or...didn't like me like that...or...you don't like things like...kissing or...stuff. I mean! Not saying that that's a thing that has to happen! We're not agreeing to anything or anything! But just...I didn't think...you wanted anything like that. Or would allow it. Because of the Code...Anyway, it wasn't because I was saving it for somebody who knew 'what they were doing.'"

She rolled her eyes at him, suddenly realized she'd said the words 'half-in-love-with' and started trying to calculate the distance between the diner and the sea.

[moreofaponchoguy]

It was a good thing Cal hadn't let go of her hand so he could keep her from flinging herself into the sea, because there was no reason for that when this was clearly his fault.

"I didn't tell you about the Code to make it seem like we couldn't be more than friends. Or maybe I was trying to protect myself," he admitted. "My intention was never to push you away or stress you out. I was so busy stressing out about my own feelings that I never considered you might have worries too. I'm so sorry." He laughed softly at the idea that he didn't like people at all. "I like people and I like kissing, I think. I don't know what it's okay to feel, to be honest. I've been too afraid of myself to think about it too hard."

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

It was very rude of him to not allow her to go walking into the sea, but the handholding was pretty great and it meant he wasn't recoiling away from her and calling her clingy and emotionally unbalanced or something, which also helped.

"If it helps, I never thought you were trying to push me away or make me back off? I just thought I was being a really bad friend for continuing to have a crush on you when you'd - I thought anyway - made it clear that that kinda stuff was something you weren't interested in or allowed to do. Like if someone kept trying to get me to eat wings after I told them I didn't eat chicken, you know? I just...never wanted to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable or even make you doubt that your Code was a good thing for you, or whatever."

She might have a lot of questions and reservations about the Order, but that was different than respecting that he'd chosen to hold to the Code.

"But, um. You said you like kissing?" She has to clear her throat there a second. No reason. "That's interesting--wait, you've been kissing people?"

Wait no! That sounded bad! "You don't have to answer that!" she said quickly. "Like, you're a free person, you can be kissing people and it's not my business...I just was surprised and curious, not like... demanding you explain yourself."

The tables near them didn't need to be wiped down, but this was way too interesting to not eavesdrop on, or so thought several of the waitstaff.

[moreofaponchoguy]

Honestly, Cal couldn't blame them, he would have listened to the tea as well if he was them.

"I think I like kissing. You're the only person I've kissed, and I liked that, so either I like it, or I just like kissing you." Ignore the way his stomach twisted at that attempt to be smooth. That sounded smooth in his head, at least?

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Almost made up for the terrible French!

"Oh." Again, Arden looked down, flushing slightly. And trying not to smile. "You're also the only person I've kissed, so, umm...same. With you know. Liking it. Or liking it with you."

Wow, Arden, way to make Cal Kestis look smooth.

"So..." She peeked up at him again. "We've admitted we like each other as more than friends, but that doesn't have to mean anything. Like, you said this was new, and you're still figuring things out, and that's okay. Were you mostly just telling me because you didn't wanna feel like you were lying still, or...?"

[moreofaponchoguy]

"Well, I wanted to tell you because not telling you has been awful. And I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't tell you," he said. "But if we both like each other as more than friends, that has to mean something, right? Unless you don't want it to."

There was some distraught beeping coming from under the table, because how could Cal come so far and still fall short?

"Would you like to be more than friends with me?" Cal asked.

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"It doesn't have do," Arden said, firmly. "We could just agree that we'd rather stay friends the way we are. I don't...like? The idea that it's something that has to happen, like...automatically? Or because there are weird rules about it?" He could probably guess where some of that came from. "I want to be more than friends with you. But because we're both choosing to do that, not because we feel like we have to? Does that make sense?"

She squeezed his hand. "But also? I'd understand if you're not sure? Or you wanted to go slow? Cause like you said you're still trying to figure things out. And I don't want you to feel pressured to do something because you think it's what I want or the expectation is there for something specific?" She bit her lip. "Can I ask possibly a bad question?"

[moreofaponchoguy]

"I think that all makes sense," Cal said. "And yeah, you can ask me anything. I know I kinda threw a lot at you with no warning here." Once the words started falling out, it was hard to make them stop.

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"You said it was new," she said softly, "from when I got hurt. Are you sure that it's not because you were just...scared to lost me? I really like you, and I just...I don't want you to question your whole world view and everything because it was one thing, but you thought it was another."

Look, she had a lot of experience of people saying they wanted her and then changing their minds and...

[moreofaponchoguy]

"Ooh. No," Cal said, short and simple. "My feelings aren't new. My feelings have been here for a while. What's new is my willingness to admit it, both to you and to myself. You're not the only one who's been worried that this is wrong. I've been so worried about hurting you, or asking for too much, but after everything that happened I wanted to make sure you knew how important you are to me."

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"I don't think this is wrong," she said softly. "I worry that you might. I don't want to put you in a position to regret anything. I care too much about you for that, you know? But if it were just me...I don't think it's wrong at all. I would--" Goddess, her face was practically on fire. "However we could be together, I'd be happy. But like. I really liked kissing you."

So about walking into the sea...

[moreofaponchoguy]

Okay, but like, how could she walk into the sea if Cal was kissing her? Which is what was happening as he leaned across the table because really, it was a miracle he'd held off this long.

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

He felt her startle briefly and then she was kissing him back, hand sliding to the back of his head to hold him close.

This was much better than walking into the sea.

[moreofaponchoguy]

BD-1 had some pretty amazing days in his life - meeting Cal, getting his memories back, getting his first upgrades - but watching his two favorite idiots finally kiss for real was going to rank up there pretty well.

Cal kept going until he needed some air, his cheeks turning as red as his hair. "I... yeah, I still like that. That's really nice," he said. "No regrets here."

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Arden's eyes slowly opened, a dreamy smile on her face. "Yeah. That's a thing I'd like to keep doing. If you would, I mean. I don't mean right now--" But not also not not now, her expression suggested. "--but in general."

[moreofaponchoguy]

Cal definitely thought about going in for another kiss, but the waiter came over with their food, looking almost embarrassed for interrupting. "I'd like to keep doing it too. Whatever this ends up being, I think we can figure it out together."

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Arden also looked embarrassed. Sorry, waitstaff, but also you're welcome for the show.

"...Is this gonna make our rooming situation awkward?" Look, she had to ask.

[moreofaponchoguy]

"No more awkward than it's already been with us feeling these feelings and just not saying them out loud," Cal pointed out. "Maybe we can get the pillow wall to work, we'll see."

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"Look at you, ever the optimist," Arden snickered, since it hadn't worked yet.

Though whether it was something about them or a tiny droid stealing the pillows in the night, who could say?

"Is there anything else that you think we should do different?" she asked. "I have no experience with this and you don't, so it's kinda like you said, we're gonna make it up as we go along. But other than kissing and admitting that we have feelings more than friendship, I don't really know what separates being together from just how we've always been."

A pause.

"Okay, also I get to be stupid about your arms in front of you now. That's a change."

Another change? Arden was pushing her plate and milkshake over to his side of the table. Not to share, but because she was getting up to slide into the booth next to him. This seemed like an excellent time for some non-platonic cuddling.

[moreofaponchoguy]

Pushing the plate first instead of moving and then pulling the plate over was a mistake, because Cal was getting a full bite of that spaghetti before she sat down. "You like my arms?" he said. "Does this mean I get to be stupid about how you look in dresses?"

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Please. There was no way that Arden thought Cal 'I'll Remember To Ask You If You Want Something A Good 10 Seconds After I Say I'm Getting Food' Kestis wasn't going to take bites of her spaghetti. She'd met him. It was possible they would have had this talk sooner if she'd just started using fry oil as a perfume.

She was just going to huff a laugh, shake her head, and then lean against him anyway.

"You have very good arms," she told him, and then added, "They make me want to bite them." No she would not be explaining. "Kamala makes fun of me because I forget where I am in sentences sometimes when you're in a tanktop."

Very good arms.

"...You get stupid about how I look in dresses?"